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How To Dress for a Festival

It’s summertime, with the relaxed feeling that comes with it, which means that there is going to be a lot of music festivals all over the country. In fact, according to the current agricultural trends, farmers have been taking advantage of this in order to make use of the parts that they lay fallow for the season. What many of these people forget is that 1), it is the middle of the summer, and 2), if it’s not being held in a farm area, the festival is usually located in the middle of godforsaken desert. Either way, there will be the brain-baking heat that’s intense enough to barbecue the local roadkill.

And so, as a public service, allow us to provide some tips on how to properly dress for a music festival. You may take it or leave it, but just keep in mind how easy it is to dehydrate and overheat.

  • Light clothes: In case you haven’t noticed already, you and your friends are going to be spending hours, even days, at a time outdoors waiting for the real acts to come onstage (seriously, who has heard of Trampled by Turtles?). With that in mind, you should make it a point to dress as lightly as you can so that you don’t overheat. But that doesn’t mean you should dress like your mom chose your wardrobe since you are going to a music festival. Try to find a middle ground between the fashionable and the practical, and go from there. Or, to translate that to all the sheeple out there, look at what everyone else is wearing at the festival you plan to go to and buy the mall department store version of that.
  • Pacifiers: *DISCLAIMER: The reader is strongly encouraged to conduct his or herself in a manner that is compliant with any and all policies and/or laws while attending the festival.* Yes, we all know what you are thinking: “Pacifiers? Really? I just weaned my toddler off of them, and now you’re encouraging me to bring one to a music festival? What is this world coming to?” However, dear reader, allow us to explain that for the EDM festivals, a pacifier has several different practical applications. Of course, those applications may lead to the end result of you sleeping in a ditch with some strange tattoos, but it is always good to be prepared. And if you don’t care for how it looks, there are several websites that sell them with cosmetic outfits that cover them. Just if you get one of the black ones, don’t go overboard on your lousy Bane impression.
  • Sunglasses: This is a statement that is worth repeating: “In case you haven’t noticed already, you and your friends are going to be spending hours, even days, at a time outdoors waiting for the real acts to come onstage.” As just as the sun’s heat will bake you alive if you are not careful, the sun’s glare is going to mess up your eyes after a few hours. This is less of an issue if you plan to go to New York instead of Austin or southern California, but an issue nonetheless. Don’t stress about it too much, since a pair of wide-rimmed ones or something with SPF protection should do the trick.

Hats: While the sunglasses protect your eyes, a hat will do the same for the rest of your face. Plus, with some brands like Rage Hats, you can customize what you want it to say to your heart’s content. Just don’t get one that says “Make America Great Again”; regardless of your personal political opinions, that’s just a bad call to make at a music festival.